#WorstSexExperience: He advertised it as plantain to me, he showed up with an inhaler, oh my geezus!

Well, I was on the plus size it was only natural I wanted someone to compliment me and be able to handle me. I remember after breaking up with my ex Bayo, he was handsome and tall he was my first but I didn’t enjoy the sex so much because I didn’t want him to…

Growing up I was an Harlequin girl.

I read all harlequin books I could without buying I remember having a book with names of people I had borrowed from and names of people I exchanged with while reading. I was a champion I read in the dark with my phone’s touch light, I read while working, while eating and probably while sleeping no wonder I was a sucker for a tall, handsome 6-pack guy.

Well, I was on the plus size it was only natural I wanted someone to compliment me and be able to handle me.

I remember after breaking up with my ex Bayo, he was handsome and tall he was my first but I didn’t enjoy the sex so much because I didn’t want him to feel I was cheap or whatever nonsense I could create in my tiny brain.

Moreso, he was liked by everyone on campus and well he was a social director, he had the swag but I was in my 100 level waiting to explore college life without commitment or anything but he was in 300 level looking for a good girl to keep on the side while he screw all the other girls you see I know things even when I couldn’t process them I made sure we fought but he was always caring enough of my rambling but yes he had a big dick and whenever he wanted to penetrate it was pain after pain so it wasn’t so easy to classify it as enjoyable sex but those weren’t my memory filled days.

Just like yesterday while I was doing sales girl job during one of those ASUU strike period my love for novels had shifted a lot I was more into TV shows also known as series whenever I came back from my sales girl job I would watch them and they filled my sense for romance and love again.

This time I was done with Bayo, we were speaking on the phone and for the third time I had told him it was over for no reason.

Alas, I missed him so I needed to find a rebound guy, I didn’t know that was what it was called then there is something about experience, exploring networking so long as you keep learning then you can get reasons why you did something or why you should do something.

On this pleasant day, sales was good then this guy walks in, a cute tall guy with glasses came over to my counter and just like that I can remember every word he spoke.

“How are you?”

“Very fine, thank you” I replied

“You’re new here?”

“Yes I am”

“How do you like it here?” He quizzed me

“Not so much wish, I could have a real intern job or something”

“Would this be all, I inquired about his shopping basket”

“Yes, this would be all. How much is my total?”

“It’s N2,000”

“And my company is hiring for office assistance or something. What qualification have you got”

I’m sure in his head he was sizing me up.

Low and behold I did not disgrace maami and bammi

I am a 400 level student of Unilag, studying banking and finance and an associate degree in accountancy for my professional degree.

And yes I blew his damn mind

And he was like I work at Unilever, try applying there I would give you my work identity number use as your reference and I was like shiiiiiiiiii.

But I had other customers and they were been impatient naija style, I was like

Ewo awon eleyi yi sha, e ma ba temi jeee [You people shouldn’t get in the way of my greatness]

I felt like Cinderella running out of time and it was midnight and I had to run.

He stepped aside gave me his worker identity number and then he said the magic word, here is my number if you got any questions.

I felt like the Prince found me and gave me my glass shoes and we can live happily ever after.

Well I tucked the piece of info right where it belongs, the safest place ever on my body… Guess?

The rest of the day swam by, I got home, got hold of my laptop.

Lucky me, mtn cheat I had midnight call and 100gb data. I started applying and and sent a thank you to him.

Well that was the beginning of more to come, we got talking and I found out that he was married with 4 kids…4 KIDS! And he was 42 years old, at that time I was only 20 years old. I had never been with an older person, moreover he is even too fertile before he will hug me, and I will get pregnant, I don’t want to give him kid number 5. We began to learn more about each other, I spoke to him about my ex boyfriend and everything that happened between us.

We started sexting, and he was really good at it, I then realised how he had 4 children, he knows how to use his mouth, the talk was very erotic and nice. He spoke about his plantain size dick, how his mouth is the best thing about him, how he would get to climax with just the tip of his tongue.

Then the D-day came, the day we met, because of all the talk we had, I was super excited to be with him. The sex was opposite of what he assured me, his dick wasn’t big, he promised me a plantain, his dick was the sizer of an inhaler. Head that I thought would blow my mind, blew my patience, he was sucking me like a lap dog, not the tongue wonder worker he said over the phone.

He tried to salvage the situation by using using spiked condoms, but it didn’t work at all. Dick ko work jo! I was beyond disappointed.