Love in Naija
Naija Love (Episode 4): Night Crawlers
We kissed like starved animals, and I heard his muffled voice from cloud 9.
“Cassandra, I want to be a better man”
He drank of my mouth like I was going out of fashion, his right palm pressed against my puckering nipple, just then I heard my mother’s shocked gasp. I turned to see her standing with Mirabel behind us. The looks on their faces were priceless, my mum’s voice dripped rage.
“Cassandra I think we should leave now.”
Muna let go of me instantly, looking like a little boy who was caught stealing biscuits, he mumbled an apology and went after Mirabel who grabbed the hem of her gown and stomped out. My Mum’s face was burning with anger and mine with shame. She held my elbow and guided me towards the exit where our car was packed. I felt like a petulant child, why did I allow myself to be caught in Muna’s scandalous mess?
When we got into the car, Mum drove off without a word. You could actually slice the tension in the car with a table knife; I couldn’t take the cold silence much longer.
“Mum, I know I blew it back there, look I’m sorry”
“You blew it? You blew it? Heeeehh!! Oh yeah you blew it alright. Mirabel is one of my most ardent insanely rich clients; didn’t you see him with her? Was there no other male there that you could lock tongues with? Haba Cassandra, Nsi do enyem?”
I felt so bad, I had just found my Mum and I didn’t want some two timing, scheming sonofabitch to come between us.
“Mum that was the guy that helped me from the airport, the one that dropped the note at the reception. I’m sorry, there was already something between us and the rest just happened.”
My Mum’s shock showed on her face and her mouth framed just one word.
“Oh”
Then her simmering rage overflowed, I could believe that my perfect mother had gone gangster.
“Oloshi, God will punish that two timing bastard, heeehh!! Can you imagine the fool? So its my daughter that he is forming Jack and Rose for Titanic? Listen to me Cassandra, forget that stupid boy, there are lots of them in this Abuja, he doesn’t deserve you. Hah! Imagine the guts”
My eyes were as round as saucers, my prim and proper Mum was ghetto. Seemed every Nigerian had street credibility, even the very polished ones. It was so exciting, seeing my Mum all claws. I couldn’t help imaging her dig them into my step Mum. I mentally jotted down not to tick my Mum the wrong way.
We got home and watched her favorite soap opera together and talked more about Muna. Mum had calmed down but was still acidic with her tongue. My mind was made up. No more Muna in my life.
I looked at my completely made over look in the mirror and sighed with satisfaction. I had been massaged, exfoliated, manicured etc. and my fair skin glowed. I had on a clinging tiny black dress that accentuated my waist and round hips, Funmi had invited me to ‘Club vanity’ in the heart of the city. My first time of exploring the Abuja night life but she warned me that she would likely stop over at other clubs before the night was over. Funmi was my Mum’s dermatologist and a typical Naija girl. She was tall with big bones, with big hair, big laugh and big sassy personality. She was aggressive and sarcastic, constantly teasing everyone around her; they seemed to like it though because they laughed at all her jokes. Over there in US, I would have branded her a bully or bitch but here I had shortage of friends anyway, so I overlooked her overbearing attitude. Hopping clubs was perfectly okay by me, I was young, wild and free.
I chuckled in spite of myself, I didn’t see myself as wild at all but that was my own deeply rooted issue, no one had to know. I teased and fluffed my hair into unruly curls that cascaded down my back. I had long hair but this was artificially enhanced in a way that was not obvious. I heard a light knock on my door and opened it to admit Funmi who was looking very colorful and sophisticated. She took one look at me and burst into raucous laughter, then she tapped me playfully on my butt and said
“See this babe ooh, you wan try? who you wan go kill for club today? Mehn you too badt!! You hot no be small.”
I was happy she approved and we went downstairs to her Honda CRV jeep. Funmi was a crazy driver; it was like she was constantly high on life. She played her music too loud, sang along so vehemently that making conversation with her was near impossible except she stopped to comment on the singer’s flawless delivery. She was playing from the album of some Nigerian highlife big deal, Flavour N’abania. Who she claimed was too badt. It seemed everything was either badt or hot to her.
At the club, it was all sexiness, debauchery and Naija dancehall music. Nigerian girls sure knew how to dress. We found a table and settled down to order some drinks. Funmi rushed over to the next table were some guys were lounging idly; it seemed they were her friends because she hugged them and dragged them over to our table. They came over with their drinks and women and Funmi made the introductions.
“Guys meet Cassandra, Madam’s daughter from USA.”
They were really nice and warm, one of the guys she introduced as Aliyu took the seat beside me. He was the only one without a woman and was acting oddly familiar. His voice was also seductive; did all Nigerian guys have seductive voices? He whispered in my ear
“My love how are you finding Naija? I hope say Funmi dey take care of my love for me ooh. Do you want to bite something? They have some small chops.”
Then he grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet.
“My baby do you wanna dance?”
Everyone at the table laughed and I almost died with embarrassment, why the hell was this guy acting as if he was renting me for the night? A complete stranger, he had said he was a medical doctor, why was he acting like a crude pimp? I decided to let it pass, to try and be nice at least to avoid spoiling Funmi’s night.
I followed him to the dance floor and in no time, we were gyrating to ‘Your waist’ by Inyanya that saturated the atmosphere. Aliyu dropped his hands to my waist and then in an unbelievable moment squeezed and pressed me to himself. I slapped him twice and backed away, he was shocked for a second before he angrily twisted my arm, turning me around to face him. Funmi came over and slapped him too. That was when we saw the punch that hit Aliyu from the back; it sent him flying across the room. It was Muna, his angry voice boomed over the music.
“Guy! If you ever lay your filthy hand on my wife again, I will castrate you. Na my wife be this, you hear me?”
Bouncers were everywhere and ordered us to leave; Muna linked his hand with mine and gently led me outside to his car. Inside the car, he took both of my hands and looked into my eyes as he said.
“Babe, I’ve ended whatever it was that was between me and Mirabel or any other girl, yeah there were lots of them. I had to stalk you on face book, saved your pictures and have been using them as my DP on Blackberry; even though you stayed angry with me.
That sent a strong message and all the girls I was messing around with majority of them deleted me from their contacts, nothing else matters because I want to be with you…”
I pressed my lips to his and kissed him, I had suppressed this hunger for days.
Just then Mirabel walked up to the car, she was looking very young and elegant in jeans and chiffon top, she glared at me and turned toward Muna.
“Muna, can I see you for a moment in my car?”
Muna held me protectively and made to close the car door but Mirabel held it.”
“This is ridiculous Mirabel, we talked about this. I told you I need to move on with my life, I nor get time for all these drama now.”
He forced the door close but the window was still rolled down and that was when it happened, a guy in a hooded sweatshirt walked by. His two hands were buried deep in his pocket; he stopped briefly like he wanted to intervene between Muna and Mirabel. Suddenly his hand flew from his pocket like lightening, a black pistol pointed and fired at Muna ‘point blank’; then he took to his heels. Muna swerved and slumped in my arms. I screamed as my heart exploded into a million fragments, I pressed my hand to the rosette of blood gushing from the gaping wound on Muna neck.
When I looked up, Mirabel was gone, so were the Nomadic looking Northerners who every one called ‘Aboki’ who sold roasted meat (suya) by the roadside.
Later someone said I never stopped screaming, begging Muna not to die that I loved him. All I remember was trying to dial my Mum’s number with my iphone that was sticky and slippery with Muna’s blood. Blood was everywhere, on my face, hands, cloths, the metallic taste of blood was in my mouth.
Naija Love (Episode 5): The Taste Of Violence
Blood was everywhere, on my face, hands, cloths, the metallic taste of blood was in my mouth.
When I looked up again, a small crowd had gathered. It was like the club emptied itself unto its interlocked driveway. Someone pushed the car door open, it was Funmi. She gasped and launched into Yoruba
“ Oluwa mi ooooh, Jesu mi ooh. Won ti pa eeeehh! Cassandra what happened here? What happened to Muna?”
I was still speechless, I could only gesture at the blood. She hugged me tightly as a guy behind her in stripped shirt squeezed through and carried Muna from my arms unto the ground beside the car. He immediately applied pressure on the wound that was still gushing blood.
Suddenly there was activity everywhere, someone covered my heaving shoulder with a jacket. I could actually taste my panic, I found my voice which had become shrill.
“I don’t know the Nigerian emergency number, please someone call the paramedics and ambulance.”
A lanky guy standing by my side snorted as he said.
“No be only paramedics and ambulance, who be this babe sef? Na American film we dey act? Call 911 join, abi na Nerma una wan call? Mtchewwww.”
I swear I lost it. Why are there heartless haters everywhere? I rushed him physically like a chronic bipolar patient and would have plucked his stinking tongue or at least scratched his eyes out but Funmi held me, my heart was heaving with sobs. Everything was happening so fast.
The guy who carried Muna from me beckoned on me, I rushed to his side desperately and he said.
“My name is Edidiong and I am a doctor with National Hospital, your husband has lose a lot of blood but fortunately the bullet was lodged close to the surface. We need to take him urgently to the hospital, you need to keep a level head now.”
I silently thanked God for this good Samaritan, Funmi was visibly shaken as she screamed into the phone, obviously talking to Mum. I was trying desperately to get a grip on my emotions. I looked around for my phone, it was gone. Jeez!!! Who would dare steal from a crime scene? I scanned a few faces, as hatred surged through me. One of these people shot Muna.
I watched as they lifted him into Edidiong’s car, someone tapped my shoulder, I turned around it was Mum. I rushed into her arms and let my tears flow freely, she held me tight and rubbed my back. Just then I heard the car back out of the driveway, everything was happening so fast. I should have been in that car with him. That was when I saw her, Mirabel was seated at the back seat of Edidiong’s car cradling Muna’s head in her lap.
Why was this world so unfair? I swear I lost it the second time that day. I chased after the car like a mad woman, I saw the witch turn with a look of triumph in her eyes. She glared at me and then bent to kiss Muna’s blood stained forehead.
Mum and Funmi grabbed me, they obviously thought I was just being jealous, my voice was cracked as I yelled.
“She is with him.”
Mum shook her head as she said.
“This is no time to be jealous Cassandra, the woman was with him before he met you.”
I thought I would die from heart break, I screeched.
“Not that, Mum she shot him.”
A look of horror passed through Mum’s face, she pushed me into her Car, Funmi tumbled into hers as we sped towards National hospital. Mum was swearing at the top of her voice.
“Useless woman, stupid asewo. What did she want? That small boy to marry her? Abasi amia enye ufen do. I will feed her guts to the dogs.
We backed into the hospital like lunatics and headed towards the emergency unit, a small crowd had also gathered. We could see Mirabel, busy all over the place, talking to the nurses. Mum stomped right up to her and slapped her four times on both cheeks, she lost her balance and…
Naija Love Episode 6 (BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD)
She lost her balance and fell butt first, I had suspected that my mother was kinda radical but seeing her get physical came as a shock. Mirabel tried to scramble up and was helped by one of the male nurses in a uniform. She seemed dazed and scared.
My mother was not done with her yet; she had clearly gone off the rails. She said.
“So you had to shoot Muna? Eeeh, you dare raise your stinking hand against my daughter and her boyfriend? You thought nobody will find out? At your age, look at the small boy you are sleeping with and when he wants out of your diabolical clutch, what do you do? Try to kill him.
I will make sure you rot in jail.”
By now Mirabel had garnered a bit of composure; she looked at Mum pitifully as she said.
“I’m very sorry for you Nse, you should be ashamed of yourself but again you are nothing but a gutter woman, you and your slut of a daughter. So you think I tried to kill Muna? Heheheeee! You must be crazy, Muna is the love of my life and I am not giving him up for any one, read my lips…”
Just then Funmi nudged me painfully, I turned sharply. For Pete’s sake, why was everyone so aggressive? Even her voice was hard.
“Cassandra, you still dey for here abi? Watching drama, why don’t you go in there and check what is going on with your man? “
She led the way and I followed her, Funmi was turning out to be a really good and stable friend, I mentally apologized for all the times I considered her a rude bitch. We saw Edidiong standing with a group of doctors at the corridor of the Emergency ward and rushed over to him. He looked at me with disappointment.
“You are Cassandra right? I heard them call your name at the Club, you see I told you to keep a level head but here you are throwing tantrums and hysteria everywhere. If I had waited for you, this guy would have died from loss of blood. Normally, they would ask for police report and next of kin. You were nowhere, I even learnt that you guys were fighting outside. Anyways I had to vouch for him which is risky. I could loose my licence if anything goes wrong or they dig up anything criminal during investigation. but how could I just let him die?”
I grabbed him and hugged him impulsively, grateful for his amazing kindness. My voice shook as I asked.
“How is he? Is he going to make it? Can I see him?”
He returned my hug and said.
“I really hope he makes it, they are prepping him up for surgery now. You can’t see him right now. Don’t worry our surgeons are competent and will do their very best. Now go home and take your bath and get something to eat, maybe by the time you get back he will be out of surgery.”
I shook my head vehemently, as I said.
“Noooo I wanna be there for the surgery.”
We heard sudden commotion outside and ran out. Just in time to see two cars zigzagging across the driveway like the drivers had lost control. People were jumping out of the way and screaming as the cars approached the entrance of the Emergency Unit.
Mum and Mirabel were speaking to two police men who seemed to be questioning them. They too saw the cars approaching and stepped out of the way.
The two cars, a Honda civic and a Hyundai sonata came to a screeching halt. One of the police men approached the tinted cars hesitantly. Suddenly the doors flew open and four guys wearing masks came out, two from each of the cars.
I swear I have seen and heard a lot of terrible, horrible things but what I saw that day will never leave my traumatized mind. These four guys came out and started spraying bullets execution style, the police man in front of them was gunned down. That was all I saw before Dr. Edidiong dragged me as I grabbed my mother and Funmi, we tumbled into the Emergency unit hallway as the heavy metal door was closed and locked.
I will never forgive myself as we didn’t try to save more people but you will not understand the frenzy and stench of fear until you come face to face with death. Self preservation comes first and I swear I crawled behind the reception counter, the nurse on duty was already hiding there and we were joined by my mother and Funmi. When we heard the murderous masked killers reeve their engine and drive off as roughly as they had driven in. we still couldn’t come out from where we were hiding.
Until we heard pounding on the door, people were yelling and crying. My limbs were shaking and my hands that held my Mum’s were cramped. What was really happening? I had thought it was Mirabel that masterminded Muna’s shooting but this definitely had gone beyond any of that. This was way bigger. As we came from behind the counter, the door was open and wounded people were being carried in, I ran out and YES right there in front of me was Mirabel’s dead twisted body.
I fell on my knees as sobs wracked my body, I had disliked the woman intensely but to see her dead like that with her body twisted at odd angles was more than I could take. I gathered her in my arms and…
[Story] Love in Naija (Complete Episodes)
Mr rock pls post Mai muna
I’m from Obubra, any chance the writer is from there too? It’s rare that I see my lga mentioned anywhere.